i don’t see strangers, i see potential friends. i don’t see random people i see smiles on the street, friendly baristas, compassionate educators, fierce librarians. i see helpful agents, generous students, empathetic healers. i see captivating artists, strategic lawyers, powerful advocates. i see style, grace, dignity, wit, and a deep + resonate love. i feel it. so deeply.
every day when i prepare to go outside i have a jolt of fear: “is today going to be the day i _____?” for so long it was always the worst case scenario. but increasingly, with your gentleness, i begin to think: “today is going to be the day i....encounter warmth, recognition, communion.” courage has always struck me as misleading — rather, it is community that allows me to keep going. i believe one of the foundational traumas of the world is that our souls are split apart + scattered everywhere. but what i have learned is that trauma is an invitation to another way to live. it’s not that i am lost, it’s that i am actively seeking. so many of you make me feel like i have found me/us/them. it’s part of the reason i relish in the singularity / multiplicity of “they/them,” a short hand way to say: “i am because we are.”
which goes to say thank you to all of you for your continued support! for dreaming beyond the binary. for pushing for self expression against stringent repression. for holding space for infinity + complexity in yourselves & one another. when i am feeling impossible i think about the every day kindness you extend to me. it feels like the opposite of harassment. it feels like a return to what once was, and what will be again.
i have been tormented for my appearance since before i can remember. but — what feels different now is that i don’t have to endure it alone. love & need you, ALOK x
