there will be elegance in my ending

the days that i am most heart broken i wear the boldest colors.
at a fundamental level it’s about dignity.
you will not see me go down without a fight!

i might be sinking — but my fall will be stylized, choreographed, + well manicured.
there will be elegance in my ending.

a commitment to glamor is how i continue even when the future seems tenuous + brittle + naive.

maybe it is naive, but that evening i moisturized my face with tears + i put on my heels + i played pretend until i believed my own performance.
in a world that dispossesses me of so much, give me that!

and this is not about artifice. there is nothing more real than finding beauty in the places that have been abandoned by the patriarchal machinations which extract our genius + disregard us when done.

like a fruit rind.
but we decompose + come back. always. somehow.

when i am gutted at the end of the world, i put on my lipstick + remind myself: even trash is a renewable resource — teeming with life.

beautiful, grotesque, visceral, life.

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