“disgusting” “unappealing” “gross” “animal” every time i post a photo of me just existing i receive a torrent of messages like this, often times from my own LGBTQ + trans communities.

the idea goes that i am “not even trying” that i deserve the abuse that i receive because i choose to wear “feminine” clothing on my “masculine” body. i am “an embarrassment” + “walking joke,” + if i didn’t want to be violated every day simply for being in public, i should “at least” shave.

here’s the thing: i am trying very, very hard. trying to survive + thrive in a gender binary world that seeks to extinguish, eradicate, annihilate gender non-conforming people like me.

i am trying very hard to unlearn what i have been taught + accept the gift of my body hair — how it blooms from my face, my chest, my shoulders, my arms, my legs, my back, such that i am always embraced by it.

i am trying my very best to exist on my own terms, not the ones dictated to me by white patriarchy which polices body hair because of colonial beauty norms that associate body hair with racial difference.

i am trying very hard to hold my head high outside while people weaponize their shame on me.

i am trying very hard to love + fight for my LGBTQ community which so often leaves people like me behind in pursuit of acceptance.

i am trying very hard to preserve my dignity + mental health when i so often have to bear the burden of everyone else’s projections + internalized racism/transphobia.

i am trying very hard to teach the world that we should be able to look like whatever the hell we want + not experience violence.

and if that’s not “trying hard enough for you,” then i don’t know what is.
love + need you. all of you. even the ones who don’t see me for me (yet).