Today on #NonBinaryPeoplesDay I wanted to be vulnerable with you all. My entire life I’ve been harassed by the cis/hetero world. But if I’m being honest there’s no pain quite like experiencing vitriol from your own. These are a few of the countless messages I receive all the time from other queer and trans people. I know that this is about internalized homophobia/transphobia, but that doesn’t make it any less devastating and painful. These really hurt :(
There is an ongoing project of scapegoating gender non-conforming people instead of targeting the gender binary system. In the early 20th century masculine gay men started to use the word “queer” as a way to distance themselves from effeminate fairies, who they blamed for homophobia because they wouldn’t comply with gender norms. After Stonewall in the 1970s, gay men distanced themselves from drag queens who they dismissed as “screaming queens” who were “too visible” and holding the movement back with their “flamboyance.” A couple decades later the gay movement threw trans people under the bus, only seeking employment protections on the basis of sexual orientation because it felt like trans rights rocked the boat too much. Now here we are in the 21st century where non-binary people continue to be sacrificed by the trans movement in its pursuit of acceptance.
“Accept us because we’re like you and not like them!” I’m valid because “at least I’m not that!” What becomes evident is that people aren’t fighting for freedom, they’re fighting for privilege: the ability to take what has been done to them and do it to others.
Non-binary people aren’t the problem. The gender binary is the problem. This was not about what we look like, this is about what they feel like. Queer/trans people should be able to look like whatever we want without being discriminated against. We shouldn’t have to adhere to gender binary norms to be real, let alone safe. Our acceptance shouldn’t have to be conditional on disappearing our difference.
An earnest plea: Please challenge transphobia, even when it comes from trans people. Protect gender non-conforming people. Interrupt the cycle of violence. Create a more kind and just world.
